Want to Change Your Life? Start With Changing Your Mindset. Here’s How!
It’s time to ruffle a few feathers with this one! I am going to share what I believe to be one of the greatest differentiators between those who succeed in accomplishing their goals and those who remain stuck and average.
It’s why you might be broke.
It’s why you might be stuck.
It’s why you might constantly feel down and out.
...I’m talking about the culture of subpar that’s encouraging us to not go after our dreams. The one that validates our short-comings and gives us a soft place to land when we choose mediocrity, as if to say, “It’s okay, it happens to everyone! Come… be average with us. You’re in good company.” If you feel like you’ve totally failed in any area of your life and want to change your mindset around success, this one's for you!
This is the Problem
Who would have thought that a trip to the Gap would inspire this entire post?! Something that I’ve learned since having children is that every season, you’re due for basically an entire new wardrobe for the kids. It’s unreal and I’m admittedly just bitter because I don’t have an excuse to do it for myself! As my husband and I go down to our storage room to pull out the next season’s clothes for ourselves, we hightail to the store to get our two oldest a whole new set of threads (poor baby girl gets nada). We love our Gap babies, so we usually head to the Gap outlet. Stick with me here, I promise I’m getting to the point.
On this particular day we headed up to the register with our arms loaded with clothes. The sweet girl behind the register smiled and started talking with us about how adorable the kids clothes are. And then she said something that made my eyes go wide and my ears perk up; I think this is the fundamental difference maker in what sets high achievers apart from the average:
“I can’t help myself… everything here is so cute! I get my paycheck and always end up buying a few things before I leave. What’s another $50 when you’re already in debt? That’s what credit cards are for!”
BINGO. There it was.
The words that rolled right out of her mouth without her even batting an eye and into my ear like nails down a chalkboard.
Michael looked at me and I knew exactly what he was thinking…this is the problem.
Now this isn’t a criticism of this girl as a person. She was as sweet as could be. What I felt in that moment was heartache for her; she truly had no idea of the impact of her statement. Her mindset is the norm. She really is in good company. But what she didn’t know about us was that we pay for everything in cash, and if we put it on credit for the miles or the points, we pay our bill in full every single time and early. No matter what we make, we budget for our expenses (as much as I hate doing it).
I know what it’s like to be completely ignorant to any other way of operating. I lived it for years before I finally changed my mindset. Let me tell you, ignorance is not bliss when it finally catches up with you.
The Compound Effect in Action
In 2013 my soon-to-be hubby and I were planning our wedding. We both have enormous families so we know that no matter what, our wedding would be pricey. As we started chipping away at the different elements of the wedding (the photographer, the videographer, the DJ, the venue...) we realized just how much it was going to cost. If you haven’t done it yet, buckle up, baby, because it’s wild how much people charge and are willing to pay for a wedding!
Thankfully, our parents supported us through the process. We know that not everyone is so fortunate. They each gave us a specific amount to put towards the special day.
We were trying to budget and cut back wherever we could, but as the costs started stacking on top of one another, we started to shift out of a disciplined way of spending and into this destructive mindset of: “What’s another thousand bucks at this point?!”
We stopped being intentional and just cashed in all of our chips with the thought process of “Well, we’re already in this deep, who cares!”
Guess what? It adds up fast.
I truly believe that this way of thinking and operating is often what holds us back.
The fifty bucks here, the thousand dollars there--that’s real money. It’s the compound effect in action. When all was said and done, we realized that our mindset around our money had cost us a nice nest egg in savings or even a down payment on a house.
This is the mindset our culture has adopted - keep digging yourself deeper and further away from what you actually want because small gains won’t get you out of the hole.
Actually, they do.
Small gains, little moments of progress, tough choices of commitment to the goal, discipline when it’s tough… this is what moves you ahead.
We see successful people and assume their greatness came in the big moments: the big break, the lucky opportunity, the person they knew.
BUT GREATNESS COMES OVER THE YEARS BY SLOWLY CHIPPING AWAY AT THE DREAM.
If you were driving and got a flat tire, would you hop out of the car on the side of the highway, pull out a knife and slash the other 3 tires flat? Of course not!
You would move forward, despite the deficit, and keep going.
That is the key to changing your mindset and finding success.
It’s Not Just About Finances
Think of an area of your life where you wish there was improvement, but you think the goal in that area feels completely out of reach.
Maybe you have fifty or one hundred pounds to lose. Maybe you have fifteen promotions left to go before you get to your dream position at work. Maybe you have 200k in college loans. Maybe you feel so down on yourself that you don’t think it’s even worth trying to love yourself. Maybe you want to write that book or take that stage, but you haven’t even positioned yourself in the market yet. Maybe you want to build your own business so badly, but you sit on the dream instead of trying and risking failure.
Whatever it is, it feels so big and beautiful and bold and terrifying that you’ve chalked it up as light-years away so you can have less attachment to what it means to you and you can neglect it.
Your Goal is Within Reach
I schedule uninterrupted study time into my calendar each week. I call it “growth study”. I sit down with a book, a podcast, or an online course and my dedicated growth study notebook and I learn. I learn from people who are way better than me in areas in which I seek to improve. I listen from a coachable space and I soak up whatever I can, and then I start applying what I learn.
A few weeks back I heard something on one of the podcasts I was listening to They talked about a trait that separates really successful people from people who get stuck in that zone of mediocrity.
SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE ALWAYS TREAT THE GOAL LIKE IT’S WITHIN REACH. AVERAGE PEOPLE OPERATE LIKE IT’S FAR AWAY.
Successful people stay in a sprint to the goal or the vision or the idea because they think that it’s close and they will arrive soon.
Average people tell themselves slow and steady wins the race, and that they need to pace themselves because that goal is in the distant future.
If you knew you could make one million dollars with your business idea in a month’s time, what would your month look like?
If you felt like getting into your dream shape was right around the corner, what would your commitment to your fitness and nutrition look like?
Stop and think for a minute about that area of your life again, the one that nags at you every once in a while, but that you keep neglecting, pushing off, or sabotaging it…
PICTURE WHERE YOU ARE TODAY. THINK OF HOW IT MAKES YOU FEEL.
I can think of a few areas of my life like that and when I sit in them, I get that nasty pit in my stomach. It’s like a reminder of HEY, YOU’RE FAILING HERE.
It helps to then consider the narratives that you may have told yourself about this area:
Have you said it’s too far out of reach?
It’s not possible for you?
It’s too hard?
You’re afraid of failing?
Or maybe it’s the victim card…
Your upbringing set you up for this.
The economy did it.
Your boss is holding you back.
Your illness is slowing you down.
Your spouse doesn’t support you.
What’s the story? Be honest and be crystal clear.
And now I want you to consider something…
Maybe you are where you are because you haven’t fully embraced and engaged the way you need to to get ahead.
Maybe you’ve played small.
Maybe you’ve self sabotaged.
You, and only you, get to decide what you do with this information. What do you do from here? Do you rewrite the script?
Changing Your Mindset Will Change Your Life
Do you raise your level of ambition and go from that girl at the Gap who was ready to throw away another $50 that doesn’t matter anyway and instead become the person who owns their life and takes back the reins on it?
Instead of thinking about only the final goal and placing it so far out of reach in your mind, remember that the reward is not just in the goal itself, it’s in the journey there.
Take the person who would love to run her own business one day but is still in the confines of her day job. Launching and building a business that would set her free feels too out of reach, so instead of ever trying, starting, doing anything to get her there some day, she never begins. She guarantees that she will never achieve that dream because it’s easier to never try than to experience the pain of trying and failing, right?
Wrong.
Because in staying put, she’s never really fulfilled. She never makes her impact. She never builds her dream. She never experiences the many setbacks and failures that mold her into the woman she’s called to be. She never raises her ambitions for herself so that she can then be an example to her children of how to do the same. She lives in a dream world where she daydreams about the possibilities, but she never goes for them. And as a result she becomes a wisher. That affects her marriage. Her habits. Her health. Her happiness. All because it’s easier to keep life predictable than to try and not know the outcome.
BUT WHAT IF WE LOOK AT THIS SAME GIRL’S SCENARIO THROUGH A DIFFERENT LENS…
She wants to launch the business that would hopefully someday set her free from the rat race so she can do what she loves, provide for her family, make her impact on the world and someday provide her with the freedom she so desperately wants.
She has no clue where to begin or how it will work, but instead of throwing in the towel before she begins, she changes her mindset and decides to start. She makes a vision board and gets excited about what’s possible. In her limited time off, she starts listening to podcasts on her commute into work that teach her the skills she will need to get her business idea off the ground.
One day, she hears about a business model that totally speaks to her, so she starts piecing together an online course. She launches it and it totally flops. It stings, but ultimately she’s so grateful because in that flop she learns exactly what not to do.
Then she receives an email from one of the two people who bought her course with some feedback on what they wish she would have included… BINGO! It sparks her next idea!
But she learned from her last mistake: instead of launching something blindly because she thinks it’s great, she starts polling people asking them what they think of her idea. She gets invaluable feedback and puts it into practice.
One of the people she polls tells her about this seminar where they walk you through the marketing process of running an online business. She invests $1000 to attend with the goal of selling 10 of her $100 online course to cover the investment. She attends and is blown away by what she learns there.
One of the speakers focuses on physiology and health and a category of her life that she never took the time to value but one that always haunted her becomes a priority. She starts working out again and eating clean, and for the first time in 8 years she has energy and confidence! She joins online communities to learn more about her craft and makes wonderful friendships that begin to replace the abusive relationships of her past.
Ultimately, she’s able to build her side hustle to a level where it matches and soon replaces her day job income. She leaves her job and has time with her babies and husband. She is passionate about what she does.
And after a few years of trial and much error, she realizes online courses aren’t her jam anymore. But in her path to greater levels of ambition and success she mastered speaking on camera and found her love for taking the stage to inspire people who were in her place just a few short years ago!
IT ISN’T JUST ABOUT THE END DESTINATION. IT’S ABOUT THE VALUE AND GROWTH ALONG THE WAY.
But none of that comes into the light when you choose to stay in the dark. When you choose not to start. When you choose to keep making the easy, detrimental decisions that are not just keeping you stuck where you are but are actually moving you backwards!
Okay, so fine, you and the millions of other Americans who chose to go to a private college and rack up hundreds of thousands in debt…are all lost? Are we just seriously done trying? Are we really convinced that our purpose went out the window with our student loan forms?
I mean, c’mon! We need to give ourselves more credit and a chance at this thing! Take action.
We will stumble. We will fall. We will have to pop back up over and over…
But we are not fixed in what we think today, what we’re capable of, what we believe, what’s available to us, what our dreams are and what we decide to do with our lives.
AT ANY MOMENT, YOU CAN CHOOSE TO SCALE UP.
Are you lacking motivation? Guess what? You create motivation by changing your mindset. Motivation isn’t a lightning bolt that strikes the lucky. It’s created and amplified through momentum. The little actions. The higher level thinking. The ambition.
Do. Believe. Receive. Not the other way around.
Tap into your necessity and stop looking at today’s results. You do it because of what you’re working towards and what happens along the way.
I regret so deeply not saying something to that girl in the store that day. Not that I would have necessarily presented it gracefully or that she would have received it right then and there… but what if she could have?
What if even someday, it hit her.
What if no one ever told me it could be done differently? What if I never witnessed someone making the tough choices? What if I never knew that we could use the compound effect to our advantage? Would I still be spending money like I did for our wedding? Would I still be 60 pounds overweight? Would I still be eating garbage food and living on caffeine? Would I still be trying to fix toxic relationships? Would I still be choosing average day in and day out out of fear of failure?
Who knows?
It will probably be time for another shopping spree for our little giants soon enough. Maybe that will be the day to be bold and make my impact.
A Chinese proverb says that “the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”