How sweet would it be to start going for your dreams and have all the people you love in your corner right from the start? We already face enough obstacles in taking the unconventional path of entrepreneurship, wouldn’t it be nice to not have to feel judged along the way?

I figured we could dive into the sometimes tough discussion of how to get your spouse or your loved ones to support you when you are taking that scary leap of faith into solo business ventures and what you can do to feel more empowered to succeed even when the world might tell you otherwise.

I’ve gotten to work alongside some of the most impressive business owners and entrepreneurs over the last handful plus years, and a common theme among all of them - at some point some of the people they love didn’t blindly support their mission.

And it hurts.

I’ve experienced it myself - it’s as though we want their support and approval so badly, we want them to believe in us even more than we want to believe in ourselves.

So what can we do?

How can we get our spouses, significant others, friends and family to jump on the bandwagon with us and cheer us on every step of the way?

First we have to look at…

WHY SOMETIMES THEY DON’T:

-Scared of the risk for you - coming from a place of genuine concern and love

-Don’t understand what you’re doing, your mission or why you’re doing it

-Uncertainty that comes with the path least traveled - the what if’s and preconceived notions

-Afraid of being bypassed

-Envious of your courage - a leap they wish they were taking

-Most importantly, it doesn’t matter.

Don’t make their thoughts your problem. Make sure that you’re only giving clout to the people who fall into the first category - genuine concern. They are your “hold the rope” people.

What is “holding the rope?” Imagine that you are hanging from the edge of a cliff with a drop of twenty thousand feet. The only thing between you and an fall to your death is a rope, with the person of your choice on the other end. Who do you know that has the guts to pull you to safety?

Who will hold the rope?

Who do you know that is going to let that rope burn their hand and not let go? How many people that you know are going to withstand the burning pain and watch the blood drip from their hands for you?

THEY are the ones that matter.

Don’t give people in the cheap seats a VIP opinion.

So work through your own need for approval.

SPOUSES

But sometimes it’s a little different with your spouse, right?

You share funds.

Hopefully you’re working towards common family goals.

God willing you’re in love.

And you’re in it for the long haul.

I’d like to think they’d be there holding the rope for you - so what happens if it feels like they’re not in your entrepreneurial journey?

Well, when my Coaching clients get down about the lack of spousal support they’re getting and ask the oh-so-common question of “how do I GET my spouse to support me,” my answer is always the same…

YOU DON’T!

But what you can do is control the controllable and focus on what you can do better to give them good reason to support your mission and work towards being the best version of you along the way.

SHOW UP

One of the biggest problems I see is that people don’t stay the course. They are in and out. They show up when it’s convenient.

It’s a lot easier to support someone who is all in on something.

When they see that instead of sacrificing family time you’re so invested in your mission or your craft that you’re willing to wake up before the family or skip Netflix to breathe life into it.

KEEP HOURS

On that note, what spouse would be on board with something that completely takes you away from them? Are you always on your phone instead of being present?

Setting work hours and sharing them with your person is so important!

I talk all the time about being present.

Especially if this is a side hustle in addition to a full time job or parenting.

COMMUNICATE

Keep lines of communication open

Ask for what you want - support!!

Bring them into the mix. What’s the plan to grow? Why are you doing this? What’s the goal? What’s the mission? Why do you feel called to this? What’s the 1, 3, 5, 10 year plan? What’s in it for them?

Be the best wife and mom as you build the best business, don’t sacrifice one to get the other

Work TOGETHER - “I know that building workshop means a lot to you. I’d love for you to go to experience that. How about I take the kids that weekends and maybe you could cover me when I go to that conference I’ve been wanting to go to? How does that sound?”

Talk through the vision together- Even if they don’t physically have their hands in your business, let them be a part of the dreaming

What’s in it for them?

THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING

Is this a hobby or a business? Think about that… would you support a hobby that took you away from family time, cost money and didn’t make money?

Be reasonable (pouring money and hours into a passion for 6 years with no return likely means that you’re barking up the wrong business tree. Try something new)

Men need to see the stats (SO SHOW THEM!)

AT THE END OF THE DAY, WHOSE LIFE IS IT?

What’s true judgement/pushback and what’s perceived/assumed judgement/pushback?

You actually CAN do this without full support. Especially of your parents, friends, following. Is this your life or theirs?

Are they paying your bills, raising your kids, loving your spouse… at some point you have to start living YOUR life, not the one the world is trying to get you to live. One results in regret, the other in purpose.

The best way you can do your part to get the ones you love to see and commit to your vision is to commit to it so fiercely yourself! If you are one foot in one foot out, how can you expect them to be all in? If you don’t fully map out the path the end goals, how can they be invested in them? If you don’t know where you’re going, how can you ask them to go with you?

But remember, you can only control you.

You can communicate fully, show up, be present, and let the proof be in the pudding, but you can never control anyone but yourself, and putting your efforts into puppeteering someone else will only slow you down in pursuit of your dream.