Episode #026: What's Keeping You Broke, Average and Stuck!
Time to ruffle a few feathers in this episode!
We are getting into what I believe to be one of the greatest differentiators between those who succeed and those who choose to remain average.
It’s why you might be broke.
It’s why you might be stuck.
It’s why you might feel down and out.
In this episode, we’re talking about the culture of subpar that’s encouraging us to rack up debt and to not go for our dreams.
Just trust me on this one - if you feel stuck or like you’ve totally failed or fallen in any area of your life, this one is for you!
Who knew that a little Gap shopping spree would inspire today’s episode?!
Something that I’ve learned since having children
is that every season, you’re due for basically a whole new wardrobe for the kids. It’s unreal!
As my husband and I go down to our storage room to pull out the next season’s clothes for ourselves, we hightail to the store to get our two oldest a whole new set of threads.
We love our Gap babies - so we head to the Gap outlet and go nuts buying loads of new clothes for our two eldest (poor baby girl gets nada)
So we head up to the register with our arms loaded with clothes and the sweet girl behind the register smiles and starts talking with us about how adorable the kids clothes are. And then she said something that made my eyes go wide and me ears perk up, because I think this is the fundamental difference maker in what sets average people apart from achievers…
“I can’t help myself… everything here is so cute! I get my paycheck and always end up buying a few things before I leave. Can’t help it. What’s another $50 when you’re already in debt? That’s what credit cards are for!”
BINGO. There it was. The words that just rolled right out of her mouth without batting an eye and into my ear like nails down a chalkboard.
Michael looked at me and I knew exactly what he was thinking…
This is the problem.
Now this isn’t a criticism of this girl as a person. She was as sweet as could be and honestly what I felt in that moment was heartache for her - because she truly had no idea the impact of her statement. She didn’t know that we pay for everything in cash, and if we put it on credit for the miles or the points, we pay our bill in full every single time.
And I know how that works - to be completely ignorant to another way of operating. I lived it… for years. Let me tell you guys, ignorance is NOT bliss when it finally catches up with you.
In 2013 my not hubby and I were planning our wedding. We both have enormous families so we know that no matter what, our wedding would be pricey. As we started chipping away at the different elements of the wedding - the photographer, the videographer, the DJ, venue - we realized just how much it was going to cost.
Thankfully, our parents each supported us through the process - we know not everyone is so blessed. They each gave us a specific amount to put towards the special day.
We were trying to budget and cut back where ever we could, but as the costs stacked on top of one another we started to shift out of a disciplined way of spending and into this mindset of - “what’s another thousand bucks at this point!”
But when all was said and done, we realized that that way of thinking cost us a down payment on a house or a nice nest egg in savings.
We stopped being intentional and just cashed in all our chips with the thought process of
“well, we’re already in this deep, who cares!” Guess what - that adds up.
The 50 bucks her, the thousand there, that’s real money. That’s the compound effect in action. And this is the mindset our culture has adopted - keep digging ourselves deeper, further away from what we actually want, because small gains won’t get us out of the hole.
Actually, they do.
Small gains, little moments of progress, tough choices of commitment to the goal, discipline when it’s tough are what move us ahead.
We see successful people and assume their greatness came in the big moments - the big break, the opportunity, the person they knew…
but greatness comes over the years by chipping away at the dream
If you were driving and got a flat tire, would you hop out of the car on the side of the highway, pull out a knife and slash the other 3 tires flat? Of course not!
You’d move forward despite the deficit and keep going.
And the reason I wanted to talk about this today was because I really believe that this way of thinking and operating might be what’s holding you back.
It’s not just about finances…
Think of an area of your life where you wish there was improvement, but you think the goal in that area feels so out of reach.
Maybe you have 50 or 100 pounds to lose. Maybe you have 15 promotions left to go before you were to get to your dream position at work. Maybe you have 200k in college loans. Maybe you feel so down on yourself that you don’t think it’s even worth trying to love yourself. Maybe you want to write that book or take that stage, but you haven’t even positioned yourself in the market yet. Maybe you want to build your own business so badly, you’ll sit on the dream over trying and risking failure.
Whatever it is, it feels so big and beautiful and bold and terrifying that you’ve chalked it up as light-years away so you can have less attachment to what it means to you and why you can neglect it.
A few afternoons a week I schedule into my calendar uninterrupted study time. I call it growth study, and I sit down with a book, a podcast, an online course and my dedicated growth study notebook and I learn. I learn from people who are way better than me in areas I seek to improve, and I listen from a Coachable space and I soak up whatever I can and then my goal is to start applying what I learn.
And a few weeks back I heard something on one of the podcasts I was listening to and they talked about a trait that separates really successful people from people who get stuck in that zone of mediocrity that I talked about on episode 24…
Successful people always treat the goal like it’s within reach.
Average people operate like it’s far away.
Successful people stay in a sprint to the goal or the vision or the idea because they think that it’s close and soon.
Average people tell themselves slow and steady wins the race, and that they need to pace themselves because that goal is in the distant future.
If you knew you could make that million with your business idea in a month’s time, what would your month look like?
If you felt like getting into your dream shape was right around the corner, what would your commitment to your fitness and nutrition look like?
I want you to stop and think for a minute about that area of your life again - the one that nags at you every once in a while, but that you keep neglecting, pushing off, or sabotaging…
Picture where you are today. Think of how it makes you feel?
I can think of a few areas of my life like that and when I sit in them, I get that nasty pit in my stomach. It’s like a reminder of HEY, YOU’RE FAILING HERE.
And then I want you to consider the narratives that you may have told yourself about this area?
Have you said it’s too far out of reach?
It’s not possible for you?
It’s too hard?
You’re afraid of failing?
Or maybe it’s the victim card…
Your upbringing set you up for this.
The economy did it.
aYour boss is holding you back.
Your illness is slowing you down.
Your spouse doesn’t support you.
What’s the story - be honest and be crystal clear.
And now I want you to consider something…
Maybe you are where you are because you haven’t fully EMBRACED and ENGAGED the way you need to to get ahead.
Maybe you’ve played small.
Maybe you’ve self sabotaged.
You and only get to decide what you do with this information - what you do from here?
Do you rewrite the script?
Do you raise your level of ambition and go from that girl at the Gap who was ready to throw away another $50 that doesn’t matter anyway, or become the person who owns their life and takes back the reigns on it?
Instead of thinking about only the final goal and placing it so far out of reach in your mind, remember that reward is not just in the goal itself, it’s in the journey there.
Take the person who would love to run her own business one day but is still in the confines of her day job…
Launching and building a business that would set her free feels too out of reach, so instead of ever trying, starting, doing ANYTHING to get her there some day, she never begins. She guarantees that she will never achieve that dream because it’s easier to never try then to experience the pain of trying and failing, right?
Wrong.
Because in staying put, she’s never really fulfilled. She never makes her impact. She never builds her dream. She never experiences the many setbacks and failures that mold her into the woman she’s called to be. She raises her ambitions for herself so that she can then be the example to her children of how to do the same. She lives in a dream world where she day dreams about the possibilities, but she never goes for them. And as a result she becomes a wisher. That affects her marriage. Her habits. Her health. Her happiness. All because it’s easier to keep life predictable than to try and not know the outcome.
But what if we look at this same girl’s scenario through a different lens…
She wants to launch the business that would hopefully someday set her free from the rat race so she can do what she loves, provide for her family, make her impact in the world and someday provide her with the freedom she so desperately wants.
She has no clue where to begin or how it will work, but instead of throwing in the towel before she begins, she decides to start. She makes a vision board and gets excited about what’s possible. In her limited off hours, she starts listening to podcasts on her commute into work that teach her the skills she will need to get her business idea off the ground. One day, she hears about a business model that totally speaks to her, so she starts piecing together an online course. She launches it and it totally flops. But she’s so grateful because in that flop she learns exactly what NOT to do. And she receives an email from one of the two people who bought her course with some feedback on what they wish she would have included… BINGO! It sparks her next idea! But she learned from her last mistake - instead of launching something blindly because SHE thinks it’s great, she starts polling people asking them what they think of her idea. She gets invaluable feedback and puts it into practice. One of the people she polls tells her about this seminar where they walk you through the marketing process of running an online business. She invest $1000 to attend with the goal of selling 10 of her $100 online course to cover the investment. She attends and is blown away by what she learns there. One of the speakers focuses on physiology and health, and a category of her life that she never took the time to value but one that always haunted her becomes a priority. She starts working out again and eating clean, and for the first time in 8 years she has energy and confidence! She joins online communities to learn more about her craft and makes wonderful friendships that begin to replace the abusive relationships of her past. Ultimately, she’s able to build her side hustle to a level where it matches and soon replaces her day job income. She leaves her job and has time with her babies and husband. She is passionate about what she does. And after a few years of trial and much error, she realizes online courses aren’t her jam but in her path to greater levels of ambition and success she mastered speaking on camera and found her love for taking the stage to inspire people who were in her place just a few short years ago!
You guys - it isn’t about the end destination… it’s about the value and growth along the way.
But none of that comes into the light when you choose to stay in the dark. When you choose not to start. When you choose to keep making the easy, detrimental decisions that are not just keeping you stuck where you are but are actually moving you backwards!
Okay so fine, you and the millions of other Americans who chose to go to a private college and rack up hundreds of thousands in debt…
Is all lost? Are seriously done trying? Are you really convinced that your purpose went out the window with your student loan forms?
I mean, c’mon! Give yourself more credit. Give yourself a chance. TAKE ACTION.
You will stumble. You will fall. You will have to pop back up over and over…
You are not fixed in what you think, what you’re capable of, what you believe, what’s available to you, what your dreams are and what you decide to do with your life.
Any moment, you can choose to scale up.
Are you lacking motivation? Guess what? YOU create motivation. Motivation isn’t a lightning bolt that strikes the lucky. It’s created and amplified through MOMENTUM. The little actions. The higher level thinking. The ambition.
Do. Believe. Receive. Not the other way around.
Tap into your necessity and stop looking at today’s results. You do it because of BOTH what you’re working towards and what happens along the way.
I regret not saying something to that girl in store that day so deeply. Not that I would have necessarily presented it gracefully or that she would have received it right then and there… but what if she could have?
What if even someday, it hit her.
What if no one ever told me it could be done differently? What if I never witnessed someone making the tough choices? What if I never knew that we could use the compound effect to our advantage? Would I still be spending like I did for our wedding? Would I still be 60 pounds overweight? Would I still be eating garbage food and living on caffeine? Would I still be trying to fix toxic relationships? Would I still be choosing average day in and day out out of fear of failure?
Who knows.
It will probably be time for another shopping spree for our little giants soon enough - maybe that will be the time to be bold and make my impact.
They chinese proverb says that “the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”